dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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