I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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