I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i love accidental penises.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
