no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize