This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I need a burrito and a hug.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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