I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
