One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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