Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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