I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
