He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
