Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
