Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You can't motorboat a personality
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
