I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
