also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
did you just send me my own nude
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
