Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
