I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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