Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
