I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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