Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
