butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize