his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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