Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
