u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
