Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
