Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
