I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
