Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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