I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
