just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
