Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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