Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
