I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
