so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
