yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
