My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
