We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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