I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
