walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
