my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
