Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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