you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
