I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
