oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
