that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
