i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
