I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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