so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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