I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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