Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
