I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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