I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
