i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
