I'm lost and stupid without you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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