I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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