We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
