Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
