My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
