The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
