Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
