Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
