i used baking grease as lip gloss
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
